Hold on, the light will come

Dear Family,
It's quite possible that you've already heard... But this weekend Elder Bailey, of the Sweden Stockholm Mission was killed in an Auto-Pediestrian accident, Elder Bailey was killed instantly, his companion, Elder Barnes, had been able to jump out of the way and wasn't hurt. Please keep Elder Barnes in your prayers... Elder Bailey was in Karlskronna when I was in Kristianstad and we were in a district together. I didn't know him as well as many, but he was an amazing kid. He was a hard worker, he knew how to laugh and joke, he cared a lot about the people he was with, I didn't know him well, but I did admire him, and all that he brought... We're all still reeling from the shock of it, we found out this morning. It doesn't feel real. My companion, Sister Pieksma, knew Elder Bailey really well, and this is very painful for her, as well as many other missionaries. Please please keep us in your prayers. And please keep his family in your prayers. I can't imagine the pain they must be feeling now. His family has been inactive, and in fact they had just started going to church again this past month. Please, please keep them and us in your prayers.
I mentioned that I would take some time to look into Peter and Mahonri Moriancumer.
One thought I had about Mahonri Moriancumer. The Lord told him how to make the barges, why didn't he give the instructions for the air holes the first time? The Lord takes care of the details, why did he initially leave that one out? (And being able to breathe is a pretty big detail...) I think it was to help encourage Mahonri Moriancumer, to give him the extra push he might have needed so that he would ask the Lord for help with the light, which wasn't a necessity so to speak. It's easier to add a 'Well, we need to breathe, oh, and some light would be nice as well.' Rather than having to ask for JUST the light.
And we've talked before about how the Lord gave Mahonri Moriancumer homework, 'Well, we can't do fire, windows won't work, what do you want me to do?' And I think that's important, 'What do you want ME to do? I'm Willing to help you, I want to help you, but... what do you want from me?' And I think that's important to remember, sometimes in my own personal prayers I go to the Lord for help... but I don't know what I want help with... And sometimes it's a necessity, I NEED air... I NEED something, I just don't know what to do, how to handle it, and the Lord helps me, he knows what I need...  But sometimes the Lord needs me to ask a little more specifically... What do you need? How can I help you?
I had one of those moments recently... I was struggling, feeling a little worthless... And I was asking the Lord for help. But to start with I was a little vague. I just wanted to stop feeling this way and nothing I was doing was working. So I got a little more specific, I asked for just some reminder that I was of worth. That I had something to offer...
And the next day we were invited to Dinner, my first member dinner in Örnsköldsvik. The Elders were as well and after dinner they asked us which of the companionships wanted to give a spiritual message... and jokingly one of the Elders turned to the youngest girl, she's about 4 I think, and said that Sienna, her name, was going to give the spiritual thought... And the mom went with it, she pulled out Sienna's favorite book.
You're all familiar with it. It's called 'You are Special' If you recall... that was the book that you gave me for my Birthday last year... And it was a message for me at that moment. A reminder of my value to my Heavenly Father.
You should all take some time to read it. Remind yourselves of your own individual value to your Father in Heaven.
I'd say more about Peter and Mahonri Moraincumer, but I left my notebook with my thoughts and insights at home and I don't remember all of them! Sorry! You're thoughts and insights would be wonderful. But I definitely enjoyed studying up on it. Maybe I'll add more thoughts next time!
I also read Alma Chapter 5... I LOVE Alma Chapter 5! It's my FAVORITE chapter... alright, so it's up there... there are so many amazing chapters.
This week... has been pretty good... Nothing super huge happened though. We went to Sirpa's birthday party yesterday... she turned 50. And she'd invited us and our branch president. It was a little strange because there were pretty much three groups of people. Finnish Gypsies, members from her church... and then the three of us. It... was strange... My eyes are being opened to different cultures... strangely it wasn't the Finnish Gypsies that surprised me the most... but the Swedes from Sirpa's church. I'm still not actually sure which church that is. It's not the Swedish Church though... I might have more to share on that next week... Things MIGHT be pretty interesting this week. I'll let you know. I don't know though... I guess we're all just used to things a certain way... And I don't know... it's strange... How different such simple things can be. Like prayer for instance...
Oh... Oscar moved. Very randomly. he called us Wednesday and was like 'Hey, I'm moving on Friday... I don't know where to though...' and he did. He's actually moving down to Sundsvall.
I'm sorry... I really just don't have much to say... Everything is just a little weird right now.
But thank you for the Birthday wishes! I can't believe I'm going to be 20 in a few days! I was still getting used to being 19! I don't know if being 20 will ever be real. Most of my time being a 20 year old will be here on the mission. Well, where better than Sweden, right?
I love all of you! Thank you for all that you all do for me!
I hope you all know how much that I love each and everyone of you. You all mean the world to me.
Dad briefly mentioned 'no empty chairs'... that's my hope and dream for our family... That there won't be any empty chairs... We talk about the Plan of Salvation so much... especially as missionaries, and it's always wonderful... but sometimes it's easy to forget just how real it is. And I'm grateful that it is. I'm so grateful for our Heavenly Father and his love for us that enabled a way for us to be together forever.
I Love You... All of you... So Much.
Love,
Kjanela
'Hold on, the light will come.'